Flat spots and inspiration

Sometimes your brain will suck you into a shadowy place… All the things that inspire you suddenly feel far away and your motivation to make the best out of every situation fades…

The important thing is not to let yourself stay there. Explore the reasons why you might have found yourself there, what triggered it, or don’t and just let yourself sit a little lower than you’d like… But don’t stay… Remember that you were inspired yesterday, or just a few hours ago…

And if there comes into view a common event or situation that unleashes the shadows and flat spots- think about what you can do to change it… For me it’s my job. My perfect, uni-friendly job… Very unsatisfying, very dull, very lonely… And recently I’ve felt like I’ve given it all the energy I can spare to “make the best” of it and “appreciate the positive elements of it” and I’m just worn out by it… So I’m trying to change my situation. Those jobs I applied for a few weeks ago; they were just the start… I’m starting to look past my current situation and get out of the job that chips away at all the new synapses I’ve just created by learning something new for uni…

Be at peace with your darker, lower moments, but remember that they are not you.

Eggs on toast

Self care.

What on earth is self care and how do I do it right?

I find it absurd that I hadn’t even heard of the concept until I was at Uni studying counselling.

SELF CARE.

Today something clicked for me. I woke up with the intent to get an assignment started and almost finished, good start to the week, positive, ticking boxes, crossing things off lists…

However, I completed my tax return first. Usually a tedious task with a cheeky outcome as I feel I cheat the system by paying my car registration and insurance with my tax refund every year…
This year was different, I OWED the tax office money and started to panic. Not that I owed, that happens from time to time, but that I suddenly had to come up with the cash to pay to keep my car on the road… My car that gets me to my job, gets me to the stockfeed place and gets me to the coffee… Panic. I felt an anxiety attack coming on, not uncommon, and I snapped at my partner for asking me inane questions through text.

Then I thought of something… I thought, “wait a minute, stop, don’t let this take hold of you, practice what you preach, Cher, step back from it and really REALLY trust in your own saying that ‘the money always comes’. see what happens”… So I made some eggs, watched Dr Phil idly and did some washing. Completely switched off from my morning. Apologised to my partner (who promptly offered to cover my cars registration costs: ‘the money always comes’) and explained what had been going on.

I had really taken a step back from the whole situation. I had done NONE of my assignment, but it didn’t matter. I’d stopped a panic attack in its tracks, I’d intercepted my inner child from taking control of the situation and causing fights and getting nowhere, and I suddenly saw an opportunity to move another step forward in this halfway limbo that is the current setting of my journey.
I listed some dresses on ebay, that I should have let go of emotionally a long time ago. I waved goodbye to all the memories from each garment and thanked it for it’s place in my life. Gaining both money and space (physically AND energetically), and ticking some more boxes on an imaginary list that is always floating in my mind.

With all this extra space in my heart that listing the dresses had created, I had cleared a path to take another step forward…

*exhale*
I prepared my resume with career and post-graduate employment in mind, and as I typed out my qualifications and previous work experience; I realised that I really am going to be ok out there in the world, working towards the private practice dream, that I’ve actually achieved so much while I was trying to work out what I wanted to achieve. I realised that one day, (as I promised my partner when accepting his generous offer to spot my bills) I could be the breadwinner of the household and he could have a month or 2 off just to thank him for helping me out over the last 12 months of my student existence… And something amazing happened… I started applying for jobs.

Big jobs.

“Real” jobs. Jobs that will take me eventually or immediately to a room with someone who needs my help, my emotional support and an energetic connection and empowerment.

And instead of being frightened; I was energised, excited and positive.

I could not have achieved any of this had I not taken a moment to stop and refuel my body, reset my mind and free my heart. Eggs on toast and Dr Phil may not seem like much good medicine, but today, it was exactly what I needed. That’s what self care is all about. Giving yourself what you need. I was lucky today, I could satiate my need to switch off, refuel and retreat a little, immediately. But recognising that you need something good for yourself is more than half the battle. Even if you have to wait til later that night, or tomorrow afternoon for the bath or the glass of wine or the whole family block of chocolate and your favourite movie; recognise that you need it, then make time to give it to yourself.

You are worth it.

It helps.

Teach our sons and daughters about self care.

-C

(posted with no proofread, sorry)

The beginning – the extra bit

I’ll get personal later, but I want to write this down, because I think it’s a really important realisation for me to have had this morning.

I love this body. This body that I’m in right now, right at this moment.

This body has just carried me through a week of pizza, chocolate and wine while I mourned the sudden death of my beloved cat. This body has then stood strongly by my partner’s side while he worked long and disruptive hours, it has nurtured 3 dogs, 2 cats and 4 horses, a bird (and said partner), every single day. It has taken me to work, it has brought me home, lifted heavy bales of hay, gently scratched my bird’s head and held me safely on the back of a horse as we galloped across fields. I love this body. This version of it. This one that it writing this, right now.

This body has allowed me to eat all the worst things for me while my emotions somersaulted over one another as I began to relearn the world without my feline friend. That little extra bit that I had to stuff into my tights this morning is my body saying “it’s ok, I’ve got your back. I know you’re not giving up on me, I know this isn’t how you want to feed me, but I know this is what you need right now, so I’ll just hold on to your grief until you’re ready to let it go”.

That extra bit I had to stuff into my tights doesn’t warrant berating myself for gaining XYZ kilos… It doesn’t mean I’m going to have to throw my favourite jeans in the goodwill pile and it doesn’t mean I have to give up the eternal desire to be healthier and feed my body more of what it needs and less of what it doesn’t. It means I’ve been through something important. It means I looked after my emotions, my heart and my soul. In an ideal world, we would eat the best things for our bodies when our hearts are hurting… but more often than not, pizza is comforting and deliverable, KFC is savoury and satisfying and frozen meat pies hearty and delicious; and they’re all VERY easy to obtain when you’ve got little left to give the world for the day. I love my body for getting me through this with the worst fuel I could give it.

Since I’m new at this, I had no real idea of how this post might end, or how I would get my point across most effectively without waffling on… But I’m searching within myself for acceptance of every stage that I’m at, every moment that I’m in and trying to revel in the journey rather than become fixated on the destination… Because that’s what it’s really all about. It’s not about “making it” or “arriving”, it’s about what we learn and who we become on the way…

-C