Chapter 273

I start a new job next week. 

A job that means I can reclaim my financial independence (after a bit of help in the beginning affording extra travel costs etc etc), and will hopefully simplify my life a lot. 

I’ve closed the receptionist chapter. And, while I’ve met some incredible people and made some keeper friends, I’m not sad about it. It’s almost a relief. That job really linked up with studying full time. And studying full time, as an adult, with debts to pay and who has tasted freedom and financial independence and mortgages and what not, is bloody hard, man. Bloody hard. I’m not going to sit here and pretend I’ve had a cruisy 2 years getting up at 4.30am to get course work done then racing to work at midday. Changing my eating habits completely to suit my work start time… Not going out to see friends because not only could I not afford a meal or an extra coffee in a day, but the money that should have put fuel in my car instead bought horse feed. Giving entire 3 day weekends to essays, AT LEAST once a month… And learning to smile politely when people assumed I relaxed and watched reruns of Oprah before starting work at midday. Lucky me. Yes. Ok. 

Lucky me because I’m blessed enough to have the opportunity to further my education, firstly. Lucky that I’m encouraged to do so by my mother and furthermore, supported in doing so by living for free and always being fed by her. Lucky that I have the intelligence to soak up all this amazing knowledge. Lucky to have had the freedom to have already studied in the tertiary system twice, before working out what I wanted to really actually do with my life. And lucky that I found just that: what I want to do with my life. 

I intended for this post to be basically a list of things I’m excited about. But here we are. 

I had the most beautiful thing said to me on Friday night. A dear friend from my now previous workplace, said “people don’t come to you with their problems and their worries because they have no one else, we come to you because you’re a safe place. YOU are a safe place. You’re absolutely doing the right thing with your life. This is absolutely where you’re supposed to be headed. Don’t ever doubt that.” 

… You are a safe place. 24 hours on and this sits heavily with me. What does that look like? I can’t see it, I’m me. What does me as a safe place look like? Is it even quantifiable? And does it even matter?

Probably not. Probably not at all. And I’m not about to start rummaging around to try to work it out. I’m just going to let it be… And try to remember that responsibility when I’m feeling off colour or off key, that I don’t betray any person’s (or animal’s) trust in a fleeting moment that lacks composure. 

So, this weekend I’m cleansing my palate. Thinking about nothing. Taking each moment as it comes. Riding my horse, being with loved ones, chilling with my cat, and birds, and dog… Etc… Cleaning the house, resetting myself and my space, ready to take on the next adventure. Whether or not it’s just not near enough to hit me yet, I don’t know, but I’m not even remotely anxious about this new job. I’m so confident in my abilities in this field. Which is not to be scoffed at; I’ve worked hard to be exceptional at customer service. Just as I’m working hard to be exceptional at counselling… And taking this opportunity means even more possibilities and time, and space and peace and stresslessness to be able to study more broadly, or more specifically, or more anything, to become the greatest counsellor I can be.  

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