What a journey I’ve been on.
Am still on…
Will continue to be on…
I move house on Saturday. Into a gorgeous little cottage. On a huge and beautiful property. With my amazing man, my beautiful horses, happy cats, noisy birds and wonderful dogs.
Today I am overwhelmed with the love, support and beauty that I am surrounded by. I’m grateful beyond words for opportunities that have presented themselves to my partner and I over the past few months. New jobs, new houses, new possibilities and new energy. I have the most beautiful people in my life, moving house will be easy. I have an incredible job. Getting leave was a miraculous stroke of luck, or maybe good karma or maybe just the way it was supposed to be.
My body is tingling with gratitude and excitement. I’m actually struggling to find words right now. Me. Verbose me. Struggling with words.
Strangers are smiling at me. I feel completely surrounded by warmth, love, light and protection.
I spoke to a customer who sounded exactly like my gramps. A voice a haven’t heard in nearly 18 months. He made me realise… Or maybe remember… just how much I’ve lost and been through in the last couple of years and how strong I have become through it all. Honestly, I feel like a superhero right now. Not because I’m any better than anyone else; but because I feel strong. Even, or especially, as I’m holding back tears of relief, excitement, anxiety and gratitude on the train home. I feel so powerful. So able to bring beautiful positive things into my life. Attracting the things I want to see more of. Feeding the light. Feeding the good. Trusting in the universe. Trying to keep my energy and intent pure and rich.
Getting through a move of a whole house, 2 people, 3 cats, 2 dogs, 2 birds and 5 horses WITHOUT taking annual leave days wouldn’t have made me feel MORE powerful or STRONGER: the simple fact that I recognised a need to be kind to myself and ASK for the time off, and to then be offered twice as much time, is what makes me feel strong. Not pushing myself to live up to some insane standards that we can continue to operate on less sleep, more work, more stress and less time is such an incredible achievement for me. Ask and you shall receive, they say.
I’ve made some huge changes in my life over the past 3 or 4 years. It’s been hard work. I feel like a completely different person. I feel like the person I was, is the display version of me on a shelf in a store. Hollow, lacking the actual content, but a pretty good representation of what I am. Now I’m feeling like the real thing. The real deal that’s usually kept out the back so it doesn’t get damaged. But I’m out there. I’m on the shelf. Proudly. Powerfully. Humbly.
I’m not going to re-read this. I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense. It probably won’t. That’s ok. I really needed to express some of my profound feelings of gratitude and thankfulness before I exploded.