How can I be a beacon of positivity and hope when I’m struggling to find the energy to be positive in my own life?

How can I be sure I’m not just playing the victim and feeling sorry for myself in my current situation?

I won’t find a mental health job. 

I’m going to fall into financial ruin when I go part time/if I quit my job/ because reasons. 

I’m going to fail this subject at uni. 

I feel so numb that I’ve started to tingle. 

I don’t want my new psychologist to help me because I don’t feel like I SHOULD feel like this, therefore I SHOULDNT need help. 

I’m a fraud and a hypocrite, because I tell people to be ok with not being ok, yet I’m berating myself for it… Right now…

If I don’t have a positive message at the end, no one will read/enjoy/get anything out of my blog. 

I’m weak because I can’t suck it up and find the good in the job I’m not enjoying. 

I’m feeling so sorry for myself in this job that I can’t even fathom being excited for an interview for a job I actually want… So how could I possibly get one? 

I’m not even going to try to finish this on a positive note. This is a selection of the things currently flurrying around my mind and I’m feeling so defeated by the workday that I can’t even be bothered countering any of them with rational positivities and truths. 

This is how I feel. This is what I’m thinking. This is not a good time right now. And I’m going to tell myself (but maybe not quite believe it) that that’s ok.