Laundrette

So I’m always in a hurry. 

Like, even when I’m relaxing, I’m rushing my relaxing. It has a time limit on it. I must get it done quickly so I can do things again… But just recently I’ve had several notifications from the universe to slow down  little and stop trying to be a superhero. 

I make agreements with people based on a current or planned future situation, then when that situation changes, I continue with the agreement as if it always was. For example: my partner got a new job. And was doing insane long hours at first. At the time, I was about to go part time at my old job and we agreed that I would maintain the household while he worked and earned the dollars. Very gender typical roles, I know, but it’s what was gonna work for us… So when I got a new job, and it was also part time, this agreement carried on, and all was right in the world! 

Trouble is, I got promoted within a month and I now work 40 hours a week. That’s full time. Yet I still find myself trying to maintain the sort of house I could maintain while working 30 hours a week… I can’t. That’s a whole day that I lose for cleaning, washing, uni, sleeping, riding etc etc. yet I keep going… I even get surprised when I’m feeling a little exhausted and like I’m scrambling to get on top of things….

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned my new tarot deck at all, but it’s amazing. Goddesses. And I’ve never connected with a deck so much in my life. This is one of those decks that will give you the same card 4 days in a row if you don’t listen to it the first time. It’s done that 3 times now. And Green Tara is telling me to start delegating.

I’m not a superhero. While at the same time, I am. I do a lot. Heaps. And I do a STACK for other people. And that’s fine. I’ll probably never change that. But instead of taking RESPONSIBILITY for the other peoples’ stuff I do… I have to start putting it back on them. There’s no point in continuing to help people out if I’m getting to the point where I have to ask for help with MY stuff! That’s backwards. 

Saying all this is easier than doing it. With my “yes man” mentality, I often have moments of doubt about saying no, or being firm when someone tries to get out of their own duties which will put more pressure on me as I pick up the slack. I worry about being a bitch. Being rude. Cutting ties. Damaging relationships. 

It wasn’t really until I was watching Supernanny this morning and had Imogen respond REALLY well to my dominance that I realised/remembered that boundaries are HEALTHY. Necessary. Important for everyone. All these nutty kids you see on Supernanny are CRAVING structure in their lives. Horses NEED a herd leader. Friends MUST understand when enough is enough, and work CAN go without you for one day. 

Setting boundaries for yourself is such an important skill to learn. It took me a long time. And look at me! I still forget to actually DO it! You won’t lose real friends over setting healthy boundaries for yourself. You won’t lose your job if you need a day off to rest or go to the dr or get something done. You won’t lose those special moments in the stable with your horse where they’re all cuddly and loving just because you told them to get out of your personal space and respect you. Boundaries create respect. Respect creates balance. And balance creates happiness. 

So the point of my opening statement? I’m at the laundrette. And I’m waiting for my washing. I’m not gonna rush off and do the other running around. I’m gonna sit here. And write, while my washing takes as long as it takes and I can get everything else done when it gets done. 

Oh. And Vicky Roycroft just  walked past the laundrette.