It’s been a while since I’ve posted because I haven’t felt my thoughts and feelings could be articulated with any real structure or flow…
I’m currently sitting at the end of the world. The end of my world for the last 4 years. The end of my degree. I feel like Truman when he gets to the wall of the set on his little boat. Like, holy crap; there’s a whole other world outside of this! A world of enough sleep, fit horses, fit humans, spray tans and waxings… Of Sunday morning sleep-ins, of movie days, shopping days, weekends, ACTUAL WEEKENDS- the end of a week of work, not the beginning of a week of uni.
Being this close to the end (2 weeks for those playing at home) has reminded me how many things I gave up to get this done. All of the above. Sacrificed- for the greater good. Time with my partner, family, animals- cut down to barely existent. I’m looking back on some of the big choices I made for this, and I’m so proud of myself for committing so wholeheartedly to the journey. Everything is temporary- this too shall pass. And it’s finally passing. I’m nearly on the other side.
I’ve had a few moments of apprehension and doubt about who I might be without uni- because, let’s face it, I’ve basically been a tertiary student for 10 years with all the dropping out of degrees and whatnot- but most of that has made way for the excitement now. I’m excited to have no “should” to get done. No assignment I COULD be starting with my spare time. I’m excited to not have to block out entire weekends and tell my partner that even though we live together, he can’t see me all weekend, and when he does, I’ll be irritable and distracted. I’m excited to get back into a routine of frivolous but powerful beauty procedures- spray tans, fresh hair always, painted nails and eventually a little more tone and a little less bulge. I haven’t looked after my body over the last 4 years. I’ve basically just eaten what I needed to get through, eaten what was easy and cheap, and not even tried to stop muself consuming entire family blocks of chocolate and multiple bottles of wine over an essay-writing weekend frenzy. Now, im not saying I’ll be going paleo and starting now crossfit- I just look forward to being able to listen to and respect my body a little more.
Two weeks. In 2 weeks, I will have submitted a video assignment and written critique, a 1000 word discussion on my findings from another assessment, attended an on campus workshop and submitted a 5000 word report on my time throughout the course. As well as going to work, feeding 4 horses, 3 dogs, 3 cats, 2 birds and 3 humans (we have a ring-in at present). This is the final haul. This is it. I only have to make it to that wall at the end of the manufactured ocean and I’m free.
I’ve had my breakdown. I’ve cried over nothing and slept for 2 days straight. That’s done. Now I just have to get it finished. Write the words, attend the things, write the words.
I’ve ordered $50 worth of bath bombs, am booking a spray tan next week for the day after the final submission, and can’t wait to spend weekends with my love, annoying the hell out of him, going out for dinner and seeing friends because I don’t have to lock myself in to the house and write all Saturday night…
Write the words, attend the things, write the words.