A few shades darker

So I finished my degree and the universe has grabbed a handful of poop and hurled it at me, as if for fun. Not to really challenge me or change my life; but just “whatever sticks- you gotta deal with”… I can almost hear the giggles as it runs away.

I’ve been struggling to find the imagery for how I’m currently dealing with it, so I’ll just say that if I don’t laugh; I’ll cry.

Is post uni life as good as I’d imagined? Yes. Am I having a lovely time reconnecting with my partner? Yes. Am I enjoying sitting down with no guilt? Yes. Do I already have more time and energy to give my horses? Yes. Could I have done with 2 weeks in Fiji instead of loved-one crises and a shit time at work? Also yes. A hundred times yes. But post uni life, overall, is really living up to the hype.

The best/ most tangible change in me after finishing uni, is that my eyes are open, and so is my heart. I know I can deal with all these things thrown at me, so I just am. I’m just dealing with them. But dealing with them doesn’t mean just sucking it up and overwhelming myself- it means looking for some guidance and support for myself so that I can better support my friends; its arranging meetings with my boss to discuss the not so fun situation at work, it’s taking a bath and losing track of time to the extent that I have to top up the hot water- let me tell you, it’s been a while since I’ve had a bath that long. I’m open to opportunities, I’m open to learning, I’m open to love and I’m open to adventure.

I still reek of coconut. My skin is painted a delicious golden. I’m pensive and contemplative, and emotionally exhausted after every day at work. But I have an enormous ball of firey hope inside me, telling me that it’s all good. That it’s all temporary and to just enjoy the ride because it’ll be over before I know it.

I’m building dreams and mapping out draft blueprints in my mind. I’m realising that my dreams are so much closer to becoming a reality now, and I’m actually BELIEVING that I can make them happen.