Releasing that which no longer serves you is exhausting work. You head into it thinking “oh, I’m gonna be so much lighter and my heart less cluttered, and life is going to be so sunny” until you realise, if you were perhaps holding on a little too tightly, that release means burning with anger, waking up in tears and feeling like a tornado- completely out of control and unstoppable. Scary. Lonely. Tiring. We held on for too long because it was comfortable, and we maybe thought we could be immune to all this release yuck, if we just didn’t release.
We all do this. Hold on too tightly to things we think we need, think we deserve no better than, or think we’ll be worth less without. Finding that magical balance where we’re woke enough and still enough to let go early enough that it’s a gentle flow but not so early that we don’t learn from it seems a very distant and impossible dream when you’re neck deep in self-actualising sludge.
The cool thing though, about having a big, dramatic, angry, tearful release, is that it usually brings up a whole lot of other things that we need to let go of… or RE let go of because we grabbed back onto them as we flailed about in the uncertainty of release. So we get to work on these things again, and grow a little more.
The tangible stuff is easy to identify; you break up with the friend, or the partner, you quit the job, you move suburbs or states or just houses. The big, practical things are easy (if not complex), but it’s the intangibles that slip in and poke at you quietly while all the other noise is demanding your attention… it’s those bastards that need the soul work.
Fear, self doubt, an overactive inner critic; tearing apart an already fragile version of yourself and weaving their way through the chaos of that big release we’re working on in the physical realm. Filling gaps where light and positivity might have shone through and making the whole situation look daunting and messy and overwhelming.
For the moment, I’ve just shaken off the fog and gathered this whole mess into a slightly more manageable pile. I can see the edges of it, and, therefore I can see past it, and around it, and realise that it’s just that, a manageable pile of mess to sort through. Kinda like my house, all the time (ha). I’ll pick up a piece at a time and work through where it fits and let go of everything I no longer need, that no longer serves me. I’m basically Marie Kondo-ing my inner world. This might take a few days, a few weeks or a few months. But it certainly won’t take long before that big pile becomes a few smaller ones, and I’ll feel like I can face the world a bit easier than the last couple of weeks have been.
Soul work is hard work. But it’s so worth the effort.