The initial

People do weird things when you announce a pregnancy. It’s usually a scream. Or a squeal.

“They’re screams of joy” mum assures me… of course they are. But why so much joy? As someone who’s never been clucky, never attached to babies, had fleeting moments of wanting to be a mum but never enough to make any efforts towards it; I don’t understand the joy?

Why don’t people squeal when you start a new hobby? Or a new eating lifestyle?

None of this makes sense. What I’m writing. None of it. My brain is already fucked from hormones. I don’t know what day it is, I don’t know what words are, I’ve probably consumed 2400 calories (my usual daily intake) over the past week and thrown half of it up.

But people’s reactions are really blowing my mind. Why do other people find so much joy in pregnancy? Why is it so exciting? It’s just the thing you do in order to have kids (generally speaking. I’m never intending to offend of trigger anyone who is having or has had trouble conceiving)… also, it’s just one of the most natural things that we can do as a species. One of the most primal things we do. Have sex: make babies. I wish I could be bothered researching different cultures and the way they receive news of pregnancy, because while mum defiantly says “women in remote African tribes DEFINITELY scream with joy at pregnancy announcements” when asked, I’m not so sure. I think it’s a super westernised response, and conditioned through generations. Which is fine. But why. What happened historically to make people scream in 2019 when I say “I’ve just found out I’m pregnant, so I’ve been struggling with nausea a lot”.

I’ve told more people than many women probably would. Because this has changed my demeanour so much that people are noticing and asking if I’m ok and saying they’re worried. My energy level is usually through the roof. Especially at work, at the studio, with friends. So for me to be sleeping ALL day, and throw up constantly- having to excuse myself from my students to vomit mid class- something’s different. So I’m just telling people. And I don’t know what future chez will think about that. But I’d rather have everyone on board and know where I’m at so I don’t bail on something without an explanation when my mental health is doing so well.

Anyway. Here’s that. There’s that. Why do people scream?

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